Finding the Balance Between “Helicopter Mom” and “Free Range Parenting”

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Bella Breakdown

We have all seen the parents who hover around their children, doing everything for them and jumping in before their child even gets to try something on his own. I even used to have a student whose mom would come to school and organize her daughter’s messy desk once a week before I politely asked her to stop. I reminded her that she would never learn how to do it by herself otherwise. On the other end of the spectrum are the parents who are more “free range”, allowing children to be unsupervised and unmonitored, often left to their own devices or “babysat” by technology. How do we become a balanced parent — trying not to over-parent and yet still being watchful of what is happening with our kids?

One of the hardest things as a parent is to watch your children struggling with something. For most of us, it is our first instinct to jump in and help them or do it for them. However, we have to remind ourselves that they will never learn to do things for themselves if we are constantly doing and fixing everything for them.

One way to determine whether you have a good balance when parenting is to gauge your children’s happiness and well-being. Take an honest look at your children and their behavior: are they happy, well-adjusted and independent? If so, you are probably doing a great job at walking this fine line. If your children are clinging, needy and constantly saying they don’t know how to do something, you might want to foster a little bit more independence in your kids. On the flip side, if you feel detached from your children and don’t know what is going on in their lives, you might need to take the time to be more present.

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Teach your kids how to do something, then let them try. No one is asking you to throw your kids out into the wild and allow them to figure out everything on their own or to keep them sheltered in a bubble 24-7. Help your kids learn how to do something, then slowly let the reins go. This will foster their independence, while giving them room to blossom naturally. Allowing your child to face the consequences of their actions, while not allowing them to be put in harm’s way is also another important way to slowly allow your kids to have more freedom. Make sure your kids know how to ask for help if they are in trouble, not just when they are frustrated after the first try.

Remember that each child is different. What might work for one may not work for another child. Being cognizant of the differences of each of your children’s personalities and needs will help you to figure out how to foster independence in each one.

Be there to support them when they fail and to cheer their successes. Yes, I said failures- not an easy one for me either. Think of how the greatest joy for your kids will be from having worked hard at something and eventually succeeding.

Parenting is about being able to find the balance between giving your children freedom to venture out on their own while also providing enough supervision where they know they have a soft spot to fall.
 
 
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Author: Kristen Farley

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