How to Fight Fairly

Bella Breakdown
Do we fight with our partners? Yes. It’s not that a couple decide to fight, but how a couple fights that determines the health and happiness of their relationship. In fact, it’s a good thing to express your needs and viewpoints regularly or resentments build up, but there are ways to fight fairly.

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Don’t attack his character, researchers have unsurprisingly found that couples who regularly attack each other’s character have a higher chance of divorce. Instead of saying “Of course you didn’t do the dishes, you’re lazy!” express what frustrates you about the situation, speak in terms of “I” rather than “you.”

A great way to do this is to provide an alternative, when you argue, instead of talking about what’s missing, talk about what you want and need. As a couple you’re on the same team, no one should win or loose an argument. Together you should find an approach that works best for both of you.

Finally, take a moment before talking. Even counting backwards from three in your head before opening your mouth can be the difference between a calm conversation and a fight. The old advice to pick your battles, is wise. If you feel like you’re about to blow up and won’t choose your words carefully, check in with yourself so you don’t say something you’ll regret.

Author: Tasha

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