Credit: Shutterstock

Scroll through almost any teenage boy’s social media feed today, and you’ll notice a pattern. Between sports clips, gaming videos, and memes, there’s a constant stream of messages about what it means to “be a man.” The problem? These messages often paint a narrow, unrealistic picture—one where men must be tough, stoic, and always in control.

A new study by Common Sense Media (CSM) has revealed just how widespread this influence really is. According to the research, 73% of boys regularly encounter content about masculinity, and 69% are exposed to harmful or problematic versions of it. What’s more surprising is that most boys aren’t looking for this content—it’s being delivered to them automatically by social media algorithms.

The New Digital Lesson on “Manhood”

The online version of masculinity often looks like this: a “real man” is tall, muscular, wealthy, confident, and emotionally unshakable. He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t talk about his feelings. He dominates.

Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist at New York University, says this is deeply concerning. “It idolizes a stereotype of a boy that only values his so-called ‘hard side’ and doesn’t value his soft sides,” she explains. “Boys are getting the message that only half of their humanity matters.”

That’s a heavy burden for growing minds. The CSM study found that boys who are more exposed to this kind of content are more likely to hide their feelings, avoid emotional conversations, and conform to harmful stereotypes. Many also reported feeling lonelier and less confident.

The Power of Algorithms

Here’s the kicker: most boys didn’t even search for this material. About 68% said masculinity-related content started showing up in their feeds on its own—a direct result of how social media algorithms work.

Platforms like TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram track what users pause on, like, or even scroll past slowly. Then they feed similar videos—sometimes more extreme versions—right back to the viewer. Before long, a curious click can turn into a steady diet of “alpha male” lessons, fitness obsession, or anti-feminist rhetoric.

As Michael Robb, the lead researcher of the study, points out, “It’s a mistake to assume this is all boys, but the data shows algorithms are playing a huge role in shaping what boys see and believe about being men.”

The Emotional Cost

Exposure to this content doesn’t just shape ideas—it affects mental health. The study found that boys who frequently see digital masculinity content are three times more likely to report low self-esteem and significantly more likely to feel lonely or “useless.”

There’s also the rise of “looksmaxxing” culture—content that pressures boys to change their appearance, from building unrealistic muscle mass to chasing the “perfect” jawline. Nearly one in four boys say social media makes them feel pressured to change the way they look.

One 16-year-old summed it up in the report: “I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to be emotionally stable and uptight—to be OK all the time. And that’s just not fair.”

Where Boys Find Belonging

Despite all this, there are bright spots. The study found that most boys still turn to family and real friends for support—and these relationships make a real difference. Boys with strong support networks reported higher self-esteem and less loneliness.

Interestingly, video game communities also serve as social lifelines for many boys. Multiplayer games often foster teamwork and friendship—though they can also come with toxic language and exclusionary behavior. Still, these digital hangouts show that boys crave connection, even in virtual spaces.

Social media influencers also play an unexpected role. About 60% of boys find influencers inspirational, and some say these creators provide real emotional support—especially when they promote self-improvement, kindness, or authenticity. “Boys are looking for connection and will go where they need to find it,” says Dr. Way.

What Parents Can Do

The good news? Parents have more influence than they think. Nearly eight out of ten boys said they turn to their parents first when they need help. Conversations at home can counteract harmful online messages—especially when they’re built on curiosity, not criticism.

Here are a few ways parents can help:

• Talk about algorithms. Ask your son what kind of content he sees and explain how social media tries to keep him watching certain types of videos.

• Discuss body image openly. Normalize talking about appearance pressure for boys too, not just girls.

• Ask about influencers. Find out which creators your teen follows and what they like about them. This opens doors to healthy discussions about values and authenticity.

• Model emotional expression. Boys need to see men cry, laugh, and admit fear. It gives them permission to do the same.

• Build real-world connections. Encourage sports, clubs, or hangouts that foster genuine friendships.

Dr. Way puts it simply: “Focus on nurturing your child’s capacity for caring and loving relationships.” When boys learn that empathy, vulnerability, and kindness are strengths—not weaknesses—they’re better equipped to filter out toxic messages on their own.

A Path Forward

Social media is shaping a generation’s idea of manhood—but it doesn’t have to define it. If parents, educators, and tech companies work together, we can help boys see that being a man isn’t about suppressing emotion or chasing status.

It’s about balance—strength and sensitivity, confidence and compassion. And when boys are allowed to embrace their full humanity, they don’t just become better men—they become better people.