Credit: Shutterstock
It can feel like your entire world has been flipped upside down when a relationship ends. You’re exchanging plans, dreams, and inside jokes one day, and then you’re attempting to figure out how to start over the next. Breakups, whether mutual or unanticipated, cause a flurry of emotions, including relief, guilt, anger, sadness, and everything in between. Experts in mental health say that those emotions are perfectly normal and are a natural part of the grieving process that follows the loss of a loved one.
Dr. Kelli Harding, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, claims that breakups are a type of grief. “You’re grieving not just for the individual but also for the future you two envisioned.”
Undoubtedly, it’s difficult, but recovery is achievable. Therapists concur that although heartbreak is painful, it can also present a significant chance for personal development. Here are seven strategies that have been approved by therapists to help you get through the pain and emerge stronger.
1. Take Care of Your Body, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It
It’s simple to neglect self-care when your heart hurts. But you need it most now. Following the fundamentals is important because breakups can affect your immune system, appetite, and sleep.
Instead of isolating yourself, try to get some exercise each day, eat healthily, get enough sleep, and interact with friends. Being consistent is more important than being flawless. Little gestures of kindness convey a crucial message to your brain and body: I’ll be alright.
2. Write a Goodbye Letter — and Don’t Worry About Sending It
Jessica Leader, a therapist, suggests writing a letter to your ex in order to find closure rather than to rekindle old feelings. Give them credit for what you’ve learned, accept what you’re giving up, and then let it go. You are under no obligation to share it. Writing helps you make sense of your thoughts and organize your feelings. Consider it a kind farewell to the previous iteration of yourself that was involved in that relationship.
3. Surround Yourself With Love and Support
Connection is one of the best ways to deal with heartbreak, even though your natural reaction might be to curl up and ignore the outside world. Spend time with loved ones and friends who give you a sense of security and affection. A phone call, a coffee date, or a walk with a friend are all examples of brief social interactions that can improve your mood. You would do the same for your people, so don’t be scared to rely on them.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Take Time
The healing process has no time limit. On some days, you’ll feel like you’ve made progress, and on others, you’ll feel like you’ve fallen back into despair. That is typical. Rarely does healing happen in a straight line.
Remember that every emotional outburst is a necessary part of the process, and practice self-compassion. The waves become less frequent and smaller over time. It’s acceptable if you never fully forget your ex. You’re discovering a new way to live with your story.
5. Feel All the Feelings
Allowing yourself to feel your emotions is the key to healing, despite the temptation to hide them behind diversions. Express your feelings through writing, talking, or crying. “The ability to feel deeply is a sign that you’re capable of love — and that’s something to celebrate,” says Dr. Harding.
You can keep your feelings from festering by expressing them. It’s emotional strength, not weakness.
6. Spread Kindness to Others
Focusing on the outside world can help you feel less overwhelmed by your own world. Acts of kindness, such as volunteering, lending a hand to a friend, or simply offering a compliment, improve your mood and provide perspective.
Kindness serves as a reminder that you still have a lot to offer, even in the face of suffering. And it’s a great way to get your sense of purpose back.
7. Reach Out for Professional Support if You Need It
It might be time to see a therapist if weeks or months pass and you’re still having trouble sleeping, working, or feeling happy. They can guide you through the emotional maze and provide you with the means to proceed in a healthy manner.
If therapy isn’t available at the moment, think about contacting a nearby warmline, which is a confidential, free listening service run by trained volunteers who provide emotional support. You are not alone in this.
One of the most difficult life transitions is a breakup, but it also presents an opportunity to rebuild yourself with greater compassion, strength, and self-awareness. Give your heart the time it needs to heal, surround yourself with love, and take care of your body and mind.
Even though it may not seem like it now, this suffering will eventually end. With time and consideration, you’ll see that you not only made it through the breakup, but you also developed as a result of it.
