Clever Ways to Teach Kids to Be Independent
Tips for Giving Kids the Gift of Independence
I remember arriving at my college dorm as a freshman, and passing the laundry room. I was surprised to see several mothers showing their grown children how to use the washing machine and dryer. Mothers spoiling their boys, you say? Nope! I lived in an all-female dorm. As a child, I was taught how to do most things myself– both stereotypically female and male jobs. I could both load a dishwasher AND mow the lawn. I was flabbergasted that these “kids” didn’t know how to do their own laundry. Although it is often a painstaking process at the beginning, kids need to learn how to do things at some point (preferably before the age of 18). In order to teach our children to be independent, and to have problem-solving skills and to have good self-esteem, they need to be able to do things for themselves.
Allow your children to learn age appropriate tasks without the risk of criticism or needing to be “perfect”. Let go of your standards while they learn how to do something new because if you make a negative comment or fix what they have done, they will see that you don’t really mean it. Sometimes I literally have to clench my hands behind my back and bite my tongue from doing just that, but in the end, watching them practice a new task and then master it is SO rewarding– for both of you!
Make a list of several tasks you know that they can handle and allow them to choose. Having a say in the matter will foster that sense of independence you want them to have and will give them some of the control. Having some say in the matter will allow them to feel good about what they are doing.
Tackle one new task at a time and allow extra time for them to get it done. Trying to learn more than one task at a time would be overwhelming, so keep it to one until he has mastered it, then move on to the next. If your child’s new task is to empty the silverware from the dishwasher into the silverware drawer, show her how it is done, then allow her time to put each utensil into its’ proper place. Don’t rush her and praise a job well done when finished (even if it’s not perfect).
Be there for encouragement, support, and praise. You are the most important person in your child’s life so they know it is safe to make mistakes with you. Once they do learn something, remind them of how far they have come. Remember that allowing children to make mistakes (and to learn from them) and to struggle a bit, will make them more resilient, self-confident people.
Meet The Bella Behind the Blog: Kristen Farley is a mother of three and a domestic goddess. She is a former teacher who enjoys spending lots of time with her kids, healthy eating, volunteering at school, and mommy blogging for the masses.
Be on the lookout for more of Kristen’s expert advice and brillent tips!
