What to Do When Parents Disagree? How to Navigate Parental Squabbles With Your Partner

Parental disagreements are never easy to solve but  letting the tensions overshadow your children is never the solution!

Parental disagreements aren’t always easy to solve but letting the tensions overshadow your children is never the solution!

Resolving Parental Conflict Without Involving the Children!

My friend was sharing an issue she was having where her mother-in-law was overstepping some boundaries. To further the problem, her husband wasn’t standing up to his mother and asking her to respect their family’s wishes and decisions. Many of us can relate to this dilemma.

When we marry, or partner with someone, we each bring many of the opinions and values we were raised with, and sometimes they aren’t always the same as our partner’s. This brings up the issue of how we handle these problems when they arise. One of our most important jobs as parents is to set good examples for our children. Kids respond to our behavior and how we are dealing with things. We can TELL them to do something, but if we don’t demonstrate the behavior ourselves, we are sending mixed messages.

I have seen lots of couples yell at each other aggressively or, on the other hand, use their children as pawns in their disagreement in a passive aggressive way. Both strategies teach our children inappropriate ways to resolve conflict and are harmful to their emotional well-being. By seeking more positive (and productive) methods of conflict resolution, we are teaching our children the delicate balance of being respectful of others despite differences in opinion, the resolution of problems, and compromise.

Appropriate Ways to Solve Parental Disagreements

Chances are that when you're arguing with your partner in front of your children you look a lot like this... it's time to do something to change this pattern & learn to solve problems like adults.

When you’re arguing with your partner in front of your children you probably look a lot like this, two big people yelling about something that children probably don’t understand. It’s time to do something to change this potentially harmful pattern & learn to solve parental problems the proper way.

Find the appropriate time to discuss difficult topics. For example, when your spouse walks in the door is not a good time. Make it a (child-free) time when you are both not distracted and are ready to have a serious conversation.

Use productive words. Beginning your statement with “You always…” is already setting up for an argument, not a discussion. Find ways to phrase your problem in a way that shows that you want a positive resolution and are willing to compromise. Listen to what your spouse has to say as well. If you can both state your opinions in a rational manner, you each might be able to better understand where the other is coming from.

Be sure to have a conversation about what is actually bothering you. Sometimes when people let things fester, they blow up about something small and insignificant because they haven’t addressed the real issue(s) at hand. Constructive discussions can help you resolve the issue without sweeping it under the rug, OR without having a big blow-up.

Remember, you don’t have to go it alone. If you find that your efforts at trying to change the communication in your relationship are not working, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Using a therapist as a moderator, as well as to teach you new strategies, can be very beneficial and improve your relationship. It is always worth trying to improve your relationship, both for you and your spouse, as well as for your children.
 
 
Meet The Bella Behind the Blog: Kristen Farley is a mother of three and a domestic goddess. She is a former teacher who enjoys spending lots of time with her kids, healthy eating, volunteering at school, and mommy blogging for the masses.

Be on the lookout for more of Kristen’s expert advice and brillent tips!

Author: Kristen Farley

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